Reminders

This past weekend, Josh and I went to my....ummmm....30 year high school reunion. It was fun to see all those great faces!!  Josh kept to himself, but he handled himself well.  He met a lot of people whom he's never met tell him things that, I'm sure, made him wonder "how the heck do they know what I do?"   Then I spent a couple days with my high school best friend.  I haven't seen her in probably 20 years!! The beautiful part was it was as if no time had passed!! Our lives have become pretty parallel oddly enough.  Our special needs boys are only a month apart in age! They are both very involved with Special Olympics and love golf!  They rode golf carts, swam, played card games, ate, watched a little TV, played a video game, and made s'mores together.  It was a highlight of the trip to see our two boys enjoying each other! 

My friend reminded me of a few things  I had forgotten over the years.  She told me she thinks often of a few events that happened during her wedding in regards to Josh. She wondered if some of the behaviors might have been a clue to his autism.  He was three when she got married, and, of course I was a bridesmaid.  (the man she married continues to be absolutely fabulous btw) 

Because I stood up in her wedding, someone was assigned to watch Josh during that time. She reminded me that he screamed and wanted nothing to do with that person.  I'm sure Aunt Betty tried her best to sooth an unhappy toddler with tricks we all use to distract and calm.  Josh would have none of it.  He pitched such a fit, he was taken out of the church.  Poor kid.  All he wanted was his mama.  She also reminded me of the bird seed we were to throw on her and her husband as they left for the reception.  She said he would not throw it, but kept it tight in his chubby little hand.  All the coaxing in the world would not make him throw it.  He probably did not understand why we would throw seeds on people - after all, he was often told not to throw sand!!!  Once the happy couple were in the limo, Josh went over to the open door and threw the seeds on them!! LOL.  I laugh now, and so does she!! She said she was finding seeds in her hair for a week!  I can imagine myself back then giving him a strong lecture on why we do not throw seeds at people.  Yep, you heard that correctly!  I had been telling him "throw the seeds Josh, throw the seeds"  then 10 min later I'm saying "we do not throw seeds at people!".  Oh boy, the confusion!  

I felt terrible, because I don't remember a whole lot about that day.  I've been thinking a lot about why I don't remember much.  I can remember a lot of things, but that day has escaped me. Finally, it hit me why I might not remember much.  I was probably so consumed with keeping Josh's behavior under control that I forgot to enjoy my best friend's wedding. That fact in itself brings tears to my eyes.  Maybe those were clues to his pending diagnosis.  I now know being so consumed by a child's behavior is not normal.  I now know MOST kids can be distracted when mom is busy - he could still "see" me.  I now know that the throwing of bird seed at the most inappropriate time is a toddler behavior...but the way he did it is not. "hey, that's not appropriate" comes to mind.  :) lol  

I do remember a few things about that wonderful day, but the one that sticks out is how tightly Josh held on to me.  I had to hold him most of the day.  He had to be as close as possible, squeezing me continually.  I do remember during picture time, he cried unless he was holding on to me.  I love this picture of him! He looks so happy.  He's happy because he's finally next to his mama. I would imagine for him, it was probably a pretty traumatic day.  I'm not sure if this post has anything has to do with autism, but it might.......