Lost in a Crowd, Just Looking For A Friend

There are so many difficult moments in Autism.  Just as every child is different, every family experiences different struggles.  I can't talk for anyone other than my own family, but our higher functioning daughter seems to get lost in the crowd.  And, crowds...ugh..not good!

Hopefully, others are also mainstreamed with accommodations and possibly an aide.  But, from our experience, she seemed to stagger through life, bumping back and forth between the regular ed and special ed worlds. That made it difficult for her to establish herself. She never was in one place long enough to feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I highly encourage mainstreaming with the right accommodations.  Keeping her challenged truly helped, but it also made her aware that she was different. She felt alone, A LOT.

The biggest hurdle for our daughter has been friendships/relationships.  She tends to make them easily, but most people don't understand her behavior and move on quickly.  Leaving her feeling like a failure and lonely again and again. This is a repetitive theme I hear among the Autism and Special Needs communities.  It's work to be a friend to anyone, but what I have witnessed is, most people don't want to do the work when it comes to special needs. They may enter the relationship because it feels good, or maybe they just didn't realize what was needed. 

Don't let this discourage you, keep helping your child find friends.  Like Cheryl and I, you may need to start your own "Friends Finding Friends" group.  When you find people who all want the same thing (a friend) it is a lot easier.  You may have to stay involved and help with the communication issues and new ideas.  But, I promise the more you do it, the rewards are worth it.  Seeing your child/young adult look forward to going places and seeing friends will fill your heart with so much joy.  They will grow and you may even get to take a more passive role.  Don't force friendships, if it isn't working, move on.  One thing I can promise is you are not alone.  Your child is not the only one feeling different, feeling lonely or wanting a friend.  You just need to find that other person who wants what you want.  Guess what there is a lot of us moms out there, just trying to help our kids.

Help your child through the crowd, their friend will be waiting for them!